More Than Physical Appearance

I know my friend has been down recently. It’s been a tough year mental health-wise and her body image seems to have deteriorated, too. When I see her, I attempt to cheer her up with a simple compliment: “Have you lost weight? You look amazing!” Her face brightens.

When we–as women–are babies, adults tell us how cute we are. We’re complimented on our dresses and on our hair, our mothers are congratulated on creating a pretty human, and our dads call us the most beautiful girls in the world. While boys get similar compliments and attention, by the time he is five he is rarely told how cute his outfit he is our how handsome his face. For girls, this is still the first thing we hear when we enter a room.

Then, one day, around 10 years old, these compliments stop.

What are we telling girls when the first thing we applaud them for is their physical appearance? Why do I try to make women feel better about themselves by telling them they are “lookin’ hot tonight?” How can any woman believe that she is “more than her waist line” when that is the only thing she seems to get complimented for?

Fuck that. I will no longer put value to someone’s physical appearance. I will tell women they are fiercely kind. That they are courageous. That they make my belly hurt from laughing. That their presence feels familiar. That their insight makes me question things I never thought to before.

I don’t care about your outfit, honestly. I don’t give a shit how long your hair is and especially not your pant size. These things are not why we’re friends and not why I love you. But me focusing on your weight only makes you care more about your scale, doesn’t it?